


Friends of Friends

by missnoona



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Drama, F/M, Friendship, Love, Romance, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-11-14
Packaged: 2018-09-18 20:05:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9400985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missnoona/pseuds/missnoona
Summary: As Wonho’s longtime friend, you’ve been invited to spend some time with him at the dorm, where you meet his fellow group members and become close to all of them, especially Jooheon. However, things go awry when internet rumors and gossip blogs threaten to break apart not only your friendship with Wonho, but your budding relationship with Jooheon.





	1. ...Is a Friend of Mine

I stood nervously in front of the door to their apartment, psyching myself up before I knocked. I always felt awkward meeting new people, no matter who it was. The fact that it was Wonho’s good friends and members was increasing my anxiety tenfold.

We’d been friends in our high school days, before his debut when he was only known as a pretty boy who took a lot of selfies. I don’t really know how we’d gotten so close; I definitely didn’t take as many selfies. Maybe our shared sense of humor or taste in music is what caused it, who knows. All I know is that we clicked instantly.

Though I agreed with his online following that he was attractive, it was never like that. We never even entertained the thought of dating and it was a giant relief to both of us, to have a friend where none of those complications had any way of getting in-between us and ruining it all. We stood by each other through boyfriends and girlfriends, stressful times in school, personal family matters, and his burgeoning career as an idol. We talked far less when he joined a company to train, but found ways to communicate when we could. I think I was the last of those old friends who managed to maintain contact.

He suggested once that I come to visit him, stay in his dorm for awhile. I laughed at the thought, thinking he was joking but to my surprise, he was dead serious. I thought there was no way they’d let him do something like that, and I was right.

They denied his request every time, they couldn’t let a girl stay in a dorm full of boys; boys who were on the cusp of music stardom. It was too delicate of a situation, with too many ways it could go wrong. I tried to tell Wonho that I agreed, it was risky and I didn’t want to jeopardize his career, but he was persistent. He kept going back.

It took him awhile. A year, I think? One whole year of talking about me, the kind of person I was, our relationship, the fact there had never been anything romantic or sexual between us. It’d be like inviting family to stay, he said. To my complete and utter shock, they finally relented.

“BUT” they warned, “one inkling of any funny business and she goes straight home.”

Wonho agreed readily to this, and so did I. I even submitted to a background check and a barrage of questions to see if they matched Wonho’s stories about me. It was insane, but I understood.

It took another 6 months to find the time for me to visit, between comebacks and traveling and concerts. 

But I was here now, standing in front of the door with my belongings by my side. I finally knocked.

Wonho was the one who threw the door open, a smile from ear to ear as he pulled me inside and into a hug immediately. We pulled back, and words fell out of our mouths like a stream, babbling almost incoherently yet able to understand one another. I touched his hair and commented on the length and the color, and he stroked the side of my face and mentioned how much I’d changed. It was loving and warm and everything I ever wanted it to be. It wasn’t until that exact moment I realized how much I’d missed him

He helped me with my bags and took me to a small room off the living area. 

 

“This used to be a little office, but no one used it.” He explained as he put my bags down. “I cleaned it up for you”

He seemed proud of himself for this, and he should’ve been. There were sleeping mats on the floor in the corner with dark purple blankets and pillows, my favorite color. There was a small wood desk across from it with a simple chair and lamp and some outlets. There was even a tiny bedside table with an alarm clock. It was bare-bones, but clean and minimal and strangely cozy.

“You really did all this?” I asked, and he nodded with a grin.

I glanced across the room toward where we came in, and saw a poster of him on the wall. I burst out laughing.

“Something to look at” he said “when you can’t fall asleep”

I pushed him, and we both continued to laugh.

We left my things to be sorted out later and he took me to meet the others. I knew their names and faces already, whether it be from my chats with Wonho or from glances I’d gotten on music shows when I tuned it to watch my best friend. I’d even talked to Minhyuk on the phone before, and he was the first to break the ice and hug me.

The others were just as friendly, if not shy. I’d expected that. I was dying to know if they were really okay with me staying here, despite Wonho constantly assuring me he’d talked it over with them at length.

Admittedly, I was struck by how handsome they all were in person. I wasn’t much for fangirling. Hell, I didn’t even really listen to K-pop if I was being totally honest, but there was definitely something special about that room full of guys. People in the public eye just have an aura about them, like their talent radiates out of their being and you can see it even if you don’t know anything about them.

I’d seen that in Wonho years ago, though I’d never tell him that. His ego was big enough as is. A fan’s job is to build you up and remind you that you’re great, but a friend’s job is to knock you down a few pegs and make sure you stay close to earth.

Wonho treated us all to dinner, he said it was because he was in a good mood, and everyone jumped at the chance to get free food. I was the only girl at a table full of men, but I didn’t mind it. They were lively and funny and respectful, and I enjoyed every minute of my interactions with them. Wonho sat at my side, smiling brightly, and I could tell he was happy to have me there.

Everyone was quite open with me. They asked me questions about myself, and wanted to hear stories about Wonho, which I was all too happy to tell. Everyone was involved, save for Jooheon, who sat near the end of the table. He smiled and was cordial, but he didn’t go out of his way to talk to me or anyone else for that matter. Honestly, this surprised me. I hadn’t ever met him before or talked to him, but from the stories I’d heard, I expected something different. According to Wonho he was entertaining, charismatic, happy, and talkative. This was not the vibe I picked up and somewhere in the back of my mind, I worried he may not like me.

I tried to ignore my own inner voice, that one that made me doubt myself in social situations. There was no need for it, and I’d get myself worked up over nothing. It was only day one.

I puttered around the next morning, Wonho telling me he had something to do early and would be back by the afternoon. Not everyone had left, I knew that much, but I didn’t know who had stayed behind.

I wandered out into the common kitchen area and fidgeted with electronics I wasn’t familiar with. I just wanted coffee, and none of these contraptions looked like the basic 1-pot machine I had at home.

I heard shuffling feet behind me and turned to find Jooheon coming in, still wearing flannel PJ pants and a T-shirt. He crossed his arms self-consciously and I thought about leaving, but it felt too awkward to just skip out empty handed.

“Do any of these things make coffee?” I asked with a half-smile, and he actually smiled back at me. It was timid, but it was there.

He strolled over and pulled a ceramic mug from a cabinet, placing it under one of the machines and then popped the top open. He put a small plastic cup inside, shut it, and hit one button. The cup filled up with hot, dark liquid.

“Eureka!” I shouted and tossed my hands up. I’d never been so happy to see coffee.

He laughed softly and grabbed his own mug, but didn’t say anything.

“You like coffee?” I asked, trying to make things less weird. The machine beeped when the liquid stopped and I pulled it off the machine. Jooheon pushed two containers of sugar and creamer toward me and I appreciated his help, even if he was being kind of off-putting about it.

“Yeah, I do” he nodded as he changed out the cups and put his own mug underneath. When he finished, he forwent creamer and only added a tiny bit of sugar. I admired his bravery.

“Black, eh?” I asked, and he laughed again. I detected what might have been….nervousness?

“It helps when I need to focus”

He didn’t look me in the eye when he spoke. In fact, they were cast down into his cup, chin tilted. He looked rather cute, I realized.

“Well then, I won’t break your concentration” I said, and left the kitchen with a wave.

I didn’t know what to make of him yet. I tried not to think too hard about it.

The next few days rolled by, and I spent as much time with Wonho as I could. A lot of times it was just the two of us, going out for lunch or laughing about old times. Other times, the guys would join us for a movie in the living room or going out for drinks. When they were busy, I stayed at the dorm, watching TV or browsing the internet. It was a welcomed break from my usual life, and I enjoyed it even when I was alone.

I’d grown close to them all in different ways. Hyungwon and I shared a sense of humor, a quiet, knowing kind of humor usually at the other’s expense. Kihyun, Changkyun, and Shownu were easy to converse with, they made me feel comfortable, and Minhyuk was someone who always put a smile on my face. Wonho had told me one night that it made him happy that I got along with everyone so well.

Jooheon was the only one I hadn’t broken yet. I sometimes walked into the room and caught a glimpse of that person Wonho had described to me, but he’d change as soon as he was aware of my presence. I always felt uneasy and honestly, maybe even a little hurt. I liked what little I saw and heard from him, and found myself desperate to earn his friendship. I caught myself glancing at him from the corner of my eye and telling myself I was just curious, just observing and trying to figure him out. I denied the part of me that admired how attractive he was when he didn’t know anyone was looking at him.

I saw that shift one evening when I walked in on him and Wonho talking, just the two of them. Jooheon’s face fell, he looked worried, and he left the room.

I had to say something.

“Does Jooheon hate me?” I asked as I collapsed on the couch next to Wonho, sighing heavily. I pouted at him, and he threw his head back and laughed.

“Hate you?” he repeated, incredulous.

“You can’t tell me you haven’t noticed “I started “he never talks to me, he gets weird when I come into the room. It’s like I’m this giant, ugly stain on the whole group to him.”

Wonho laughed harder and I was starting to get annoyed. I elbowed him in the ribs.

“This isn’t funny! It’s really starting to bother me.”

“Why is that?” Wonho asked, his laughter fading. “You’ve never been the type to care what people think of you.”

I shrugged. He was right.

“This is different” I offered “he’s your friend; he’s an important part of your life. I think it’s pretty vital that he at least tolerates me”

When I looked at Wonho, he had this stupid, pleased smile on his face. I knew what that meant.

“There’s something you’re not telling me” I stated, I didn’t have to ask.

“Jooheon may, or may not, have confided in me about the very thing you’re worried about.”

I wanted to throttle him and knock that smug look off his face. He knew the anticipation was driving me crazy.

“And by that you mean he did, and you’re not going to tell me” I huffed, and he chuckled.

“I can’t betray the confidence of one of my friends, now can I?” he asked, feigning innocence as he touched his chest, like he really felt it. I knew he was just doing it to bother me.

“Look” Wonho started, seeing the look on my face. “I can tell you this much. He doesn’t hate you”

This only made me more curious.

“Well he definitely doesn’t like me, because he’s barely tried to get to know me”

Wonho smiled.

“You make him nervous”

Wonho’s words didn’t click fully for a good minute.

“He’s a little bit, hm.” Wonho paused, trying to find the right words. “He doesn’t have a lot of experience around women”

“And I make him nervous?” I asked, emphasis on I, not believing it. I was so easy to get along with, I thought. I prided myself on that particular fact. Even when I felt ill-at-ease, I could mask it and make everyone around me feel more comfortable, too.

Wonho could see I clearly was not getting it still. He rolled his head back over his shoulders, sighing, and then brought himself back to look at me.

“It’s bad enough for him you’re a woman staying in the dorm. It’s worse because he thinks you’re really pretty.”

My jaw went slack and I considered Wonho’s words. I opened my mouth to speak, reactively, but stopped. I thought about it some more.

“I think it’s just a little crush”

For some reason, it had never crossed my mind as a possibility. That whole making people comfortable bit? That was literally my only social strength. Being flirted with or aware that someone had more than friendly feelings toward me? Never really caught on to that one.

And then I was caught off guard by the sweeping, tingling heat that ran over my skin and made my hairs stand up. As it got to my face, I felt it flush my cheeks and I tried not to think about it, because I knew Wonho would notice.

“You’re blushing!”

Annddd, he did.

“Shut up!” I covered my cheeks with my hands “I am not!”

“Am I gonna have to put up with you guys making googly eyes at each other now?” He rolled his eyes, but he was smiling.

“I’m just flattered, that’s all” I said, and I think I believed that. I didn’t know Jooheon that well, but I felt I could come to like him as at least a friend if I’d gotten the chance to.

“Well, now you know. Don’t open your big mouth to him about it, either. I promised him I wouldn’t breathe a word of it to you.”

I could never imagine telling Jooheon what Wonho had told me. How incredibly awkward would that be? Hey, heard you got a huge crush on me, wanna be friends? No, I wouldn’t even hint that I knew.

“Of course” I nodded firm, and we shook on it like we do everything we’re serious about.

I tried to remain neutral to the situation, but it was harder than I imagined it would be. The knowledge that he didn’t hate me, and instead felt quite the opposite, made me a little less casual. Now I was the one who got all frazzled when he walked into the room, way too aware of his gaze and his mannerisms and oh god is he looking at me right now? Do I look okay? What is he thinking?

It became thick in the air whenever we were near each other, but thankfully only Wonho seemed to notice. He would shoot me these looks from across the room, wide eyed and worried, begging me silently to pull myself together and act like a normal human being. I don’t know what he wanted from me; I was never good about these sorts of things.

And maybe, MAYBE, I took more notice of Jooheon than I’d previously done. I glanced at him now and then and traced the lines of his face; particularly his eyes, his jaw, his lips. My favorite was when I caught those brilliant smiles and got all warm inside.

But don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t just that. It was also his soft voice when he spoke with care toward others; it was his laughter and how much he liked to make others laugh with him, and how he seemed like such a genuine beacon of positivity, even in times of stress.

I was getting ahead of myself. I needed to stop. I didn’t come here to develop a crush on someone unattainable, who was also a friend of a friend. That would only end in a mess.

I came out of my room one evening and found myself alone. I knew Wonho had gone, and he’d be out for awhile, but wasn’t aware it’d be totally empty. I placed my hands on my hips and thought of what to do with myself for the rest of the night.

Jooheon came into the room, startling me somewhat. He gave me a half-smile.

“I didn’t realize you were here”

“Sorry”

I don’t know why he apologized, and by the look on his face he didn’t either.

“It’s just you tonight?” I asked. He fiddled around with a magazine on the coffee table, trying to look like he came in there for a reason.

“Yeah.”

A thought crossed my mind, and I thought better of it. Then again, it was a completely innocent thought. There would be no harm if I asked.

“Do you want to go get dinner with me? I haven’t eaten and I’m starved.”

He blinked and almost dropped the magazine. To cover his error, he threw it back on the table and stuttered.

“Well..I..Uh”

Mistake. Total mistake. Don’t make him feel weird, abort mission now.

“I mean I wouldn’t be offended if you didn’t, I just thought…”

He cut me off “Yeah, we can do that.”

I was surprised, and found myself smiling. “Great, I’ll get my jacket.”

When we walked out the door he suggested a place nearby, a homey family restaurant with warm lighting and comfort food. We were tucked away in a corner near the window, and we made small talk with the waitress, a middle-aged woman with soft eyes. I ordered tea and soup to warm myself up with, chillier than expected outside. After the initial shuffle, we were settled with our things and left alone.

“This looks amazing” I said, pushing my spoon through my bowl, my mouth watering just from the smell.

“I’ve come here for a couple years now, it reminds me of home.”

I smiled, feeling good that it seemed he might actually be opening up to me.

“I can see why, it’s so cozy.”

“I don’t get home-cooked meals very often anymore” he started, pushing his food around “this is the next best thing.”

“That’s unfortunate” I empathized “everyone needs a home-cooked meal now and again, it’s good for your soul”

He had a tender, happy look on his face at that, finally meeting my eyes for a moment, before quickly looking back down at his meal.

“You know, I should cook for you guys while I’m here, at least once. That kitchen is going to waste”

He shook his head “ah, I wouldn’t ask you to do that. There’s so many of us, that’d be a lot of work.”

I waved my free hand “nonsense, it would be easy. Plus, I’d love to thank you for letting me stay with you and be with Wonho.”

He got a strange look then, not just his face but his whole demeanor changed, like the mention of Wonho’s name put him on edge.

“You’re really close” he said.

“We are” I nodded “as I’m sure you’re aware, we don’t really get to spend any quality time together these days”

“I’m sure you miss him a lot” his voice got a little faint.

I felt like he might be hinting at something else, but I didn’t want to assume.

“Well, he is my best friend.” I stated, trying to put some emphasis on friend. He seemed to pause, shuffling in some food, chewing thoughtfully.

“Were you ever” he cleared his throat “something else?”

I kind of wanted to laugh at how vague he was being, and I wasn’t going to give it to him that easy.

“Something else?” I played dumb.

“Like, something beyond friends?”

I tilted my head curiously “you mean did we date? Or maybe just fool around sometimes?”

He coughed hard and sudden, covering his mouth with his fist before reaching for his drink. It was probably horrible of me, but I took pleasure in how easy it was to work him up. I’d never been around someone his age that was so green and naive. It was endearing.

“No” I stated firmly, though I was smiling a bit. “Never”

He looked up at me with big, doe eyes and felt like my insides were melting.

“Oh” he said, averting his gaze “I’m sorry if I offended you, I just thought…well, I mean, it just seemed like..”

He was struggling to find the words to remain delicate, and I thought it was cute he was concerned. I really wasn’t insulted, he wasn’t the first nor would he be the last to inquire of my closeness to Wonho.

“It’s fine; a lot of people assume that.” I eased him “To be honest, even if we weren’t good friend, he’s not really my type.”

Jooheon actually laughed.

“Wonho is everyone’s type.”

I was glad to see him amused and relaxed again.

“He’s handsome, no doubt” I agreed “But I like people who are a bit more” I tilted my head side to side, trying to explain it without insulting my best friend.

“Sweet? No, that’s not the right word. Sensitive? Oh god, no, I’m making him look horrible.”

He laughed again. “I think I understand” he assured me, and I was glad for it, even if he was bluffing to make me feel better.

“By the way you speak” he started “I’m assuming you haven’t found that person, then.”

He didn’t even come close to looking at me when he said this, I could tell he knew he was taking a gamble; it was rather bold of him to ask.

“Not yet” I replied.

He nodded, and I saw part of a grin.

Our conversation came easy after that, we laughed a lot more and told stories, some about Wonho and some just about our personal lives. It was the first time I felt like I was getting to know Jooheon since I’d met him, and a comfortable, balmy feeling spread throughout my body. I felt like I’d been drinking with the way my thoughts swam through me and out of me freely, though I hadn’t touched a drop all night. He met my eyes more and more as the night went on and I felt, somehow, safe.

It was nearly 11pm when we got back, still chatting away on the short walk and up into the dorm and inside. We stood in the living room with intentions to depart for the night, but we kept on talking and giggling like little kids.

“I really should go to bed” I said in a half-whisper, since it seemed everyone else had turned in for the night. He nodded in agreement.

“Thank you for having dinner with me”

“I’m glad I did” he replied, as if he were taken aback by the fact he’d had a good time. I didn’t take it personal.

When I looked up and noticed the proximity of our bodies, the fact he was close enough that I could just lean in and kiss him if I wanted to, the image flashed in my head and I sank my teeth into the inside of my cheek to suppress the urge. If he were anyone else, and if we were anywhere else, I would have.

I casted my eyelids up at him and it dawned on me he must be thinking the same thing, because he was subconsciously swaying toward me and staring intently at my mouth. I tilted my chin up toward him, signaling that I was okay with whatever he wanted to do, and I swear he was about to take that plunge when someone flipped on the lights in the living room.

Wonho leaned against the entrance of the living room smiling, arms crossed, as we both took a safe step back.

“It’s passed your curfew, kids” He said in his best dad voice, and I shot him a glare.

“I was just going to bed” Jooheon mumbled as he glanced at me from the corner of his eyes before brushing passed Wonho, clearly flustered.

Wonho watched him, his grin telling me he was enjoying what he’d just witnessed. I swore he got sick pleasure out of watching his friends suffer, in a childlike way.

He turned back to me, pushing himself off the wall and moving toward me, chuckling to himself.

“Did I just play matchmaker somehow?” He asked me, and I wasn’t in the mood for his teasing. I turned away toward my door.

“Goodnight, Wonho” I called over my shoulder in a grumble.

“Hey” he said, his voice no longer mocking. The unease in it got my attention and I turned back to him.

“You know I always support your decisions, but this might be one you need to think about.” He raised an eyebrow at me. He was just concerned for his friends, and the potential danger that could come about if anything ever happened between Jooheon and me. Despite my lapse in judgment earlier, I was still unyielding in my decision to try and stay away from him in that way.

“You don’t have anything to worry about” I assured him as I made my way back to my door. Before I closed it, I heard him say “we’ll see about that.”


	2. Chapter 2

I was amazed there was no awkwardness between Jooheon and I after that, especially considering we almost made out in the living room. Okay, maybe we wouldn’t have gone that far, but in my head we had and the thought was a fluttery one that I returned to often.

If anything, we became closer. We sat next to each other at dinner and during movie nights on the couch. We kept a comfortable distance, but I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t some arm brushing and occasional nudging, that was totally on purpose on my end. Admittedly, I enjoyed the way he’d freeze up whenever I touched him, though it was always innocent.

I stayed good on my promise and made dinner for everyone, which they were grateful for. They thanked me over and over again, and gushed about how good it was. I don’t know if they were pouring it on to be nice, but I didn’t care, the fact they’d go to the trouble to make me feel good about it put a smile on my face. Jooheon in particular repeatedly informed everyone that I was doing this out of the goodness of my heart, and that I’d wanted nothing more than for them to get a feeling of home from my efforts.

We all fell to the couches and floors of the living room after dinner, stuffed to the limit on the plethora of food I’d made, and their groans of fullness were satisfying to my ears. Lazily, we flipped through the TV and watched a couple variety shows, chatting here and there, and I felt like I had a permanent smile, thinking of how I’d walked in with one friend and would walk out with 6 more.

Over time and one by one, someone would get up, thank me for dinner, and retreat to their room to work, listen to music, or get an early rest. Some hung out longer than others, but eventually it was just Jooheon, Wonho, and I.

I could tell Wonho was fading fast, but he kept glancing over at Jooheon, and I knew what he was doing.

“I don’t need a chaperone, dad” I leaned in and whispered to him, and he seemed offended that I would insinuate that, but he was obvious.

“I’m just really into this show” he defended himself, but he was a terrible liar. He forgot just how well I knew him.

I rolled my eyes a nudged his arm. It did seem like I was trying to get him out of there, but my intentions were pure. I was more annoyed that he was hanging out just to play over-protective, nosy big brother.

“Fine” he huffed as he stood up and stretched. He thanked me for dinner and waved to Jooheon as he left.

We sat on the same couch, a reasonable distance between us but not too much, cast in darkness except for the flickers of the television. We’d stopped on some animal show, that I tried to concentrate on. My mind kept wandering and I considered turning in early to avoid the danger zone of my own thoughts.

I looked over at Jooheon, and he chewed his lower lip, staring unblinking at the TV. Either he was totally absorbed in the mating rituals of lizards, or his own mind had gone off the deep end, but I didn’t know if it had anything to do with me.

“Wonho was afraid to leave us alone” I laughed, thinking he might get a kick out of it, but as soon as the words left my mouth I regretted it. Why on earth did I think it was a good idea to put that thought in both our minds?

“Why?” he asked turning to look at me, face completely serious. I swallowed hard.

“He thinks we’re going to…” I trailed off as I laughed nervously, and I could see every minute detail of how the realization washed over Jooheon’s face. He went from initial understanding, to shock, to full-blown embarrassment.

“I wouldn’t ever” He shook his head vigorously, and I felt my heart drop at what he thought I’d implied.

“Oh, I know you’d never do anything to make me uncomfortable” I said, and he looked relieved, casting his eyes down. I scooted a bit closer to him, my impending confession hot on my mouth. I knew I shouldn’t, but I felt I had to.

“Thing is,” I started; now I was the one looking around timid-like, though it was too dark to focus on anything. “Wonho told me about what you thought of me.”

Whatever look he gave me before paled in comparison to how mortified he was now, and I felt bad. I rushed to console him.

“I think it’s sweet”

This didn’t help. He fidgeted, pushed his hand through his hair, darted his eyes.

“Um, I should go to bed”

He tried to escape the situation and I laid my hand on top of his. I felt like I was on autopilot, going purely off instinct. I couldn’t let him go to bed upset and anxious over having his feelings exposed. I tried to find the words to express this, to say that, although I hadn’t thought of it previously, I’d come to develop something similar toward him. Instead, I did what I should’ve done before and kissed him.

It was tentative, a peck on the lips, short and sweet. As soon as I touched him, I pulled back and retrieved my hand. My stomach tightened up in knots and I instantly thought I’d made a mistake. I was about to open my mouth to apologize, but he caught it with his own, kissing me back. His was much deeper, his eyes falling shut as he pressed his lips firmly to mine. I blinked quickly before my own lids fell shut and I relaxed into it, melding into him.

It was sweet at first, tender and slow. He nipped at me, giving me short, quick kisses over and over, and each one sent my nerves a little higher. The last time he came in, he pressed my mouth open and I yielded to him, allowing him to deepen our kiss. When his tongue rolled over mine, I let out a tiny moan and he pulled back, eyes fluttering open. He sighed and his lusty gaze fixated on my moistened lower lip.

“If we don’t stop…”He breathed, and he didn’t really need to finish his sentence. It was a warning.

“I don’t want you to stop.” I confessed, and he swallowed. I could tell he was holding back and it excited me. His shift was impressive, from shy and apprehensive to on the verge of ravishing me in 10 minutes. I wanted to push him over the edge.

When we kissed again it wasn’t cautious anymore, it was hungry and fervent, like we had been starved of this feeling and only tasted the first drops of it again. His arms found their way around my torso and he pulled me forward, his hands cradling my back as I snaked my own around his neck and let our bodies collide. I couldn’t get close enough, couldn’t feel enough of him. 

This was unlike me. I didn’t do one night stands or flings; they weren’t my cup of tea. I also didn’t develop feelings like this so quickly, for anyone, ever. Yet there I was, full-on making out with someone I’d known a little over a week, whom I felt like I’d known much longer. I never craved another human being as completely as I craved Jooheon and this moment.

We consumed each other in half-darkness for well over 20 minutes, and it was like high school again, when kissing was the most exciting and fulfilling experience you could have. He threaded his fingers through my hair, caressed my back with the other, alternated between subtle, shallow pecks and deep, moist kisses. I felt dizzy.

That’s why I almost hadn’t realized what was happening when he wretched away from me and moved about half a foot down the couch, all in one motion. My eyes snapped open and my arms fell slack, and I was about to question it when I noticed the hall light had some on and someone was walking down it.

I sat up straight, fussed with my hair and wiped my mouth. My lips felt swollen and were probably stained red, but I tied to pretend whatever was on TV was the most fascinating thing I’d ever seen.

Hyungwon stood at the entrance to the hall and gave us a funny look, but he didn’t say anything. He just went to the kitchen to get something to drink and then left without a word, turning off the light as he went. I must’ve been holding my breath the entire time because I suddenly exhaled fast and hard.

“We should, um,” I tried to think of what I was trying to say, but Jooheon was already agreeing with me.

“Yeah”

This was dangerous, there’s no way we should be moving this fast. This was a disaster waiting to happen. A disaster I wanted so badly, consequences be damned.

We silently gathered ourselves, turned off the TV, and went to bed.

That sense of discomfited silence between us returned the next day, but not in a negative way. When we caught each other’s eye over breakfast, I noticed we had both smiled as we turned away, me blushing deeply at the memory of his lips. I wasn’t sure what any of it meant, but I was glad he seemed okay with it.

Unfortunately, Wonho was more observant than I fave him credit for, and he cornered me after we ate, when everyone else was away or distracted.

“What did you do?”

I acted taken aback, but I knew I was busted. Still, I played dumb. There’s no way he knew for sure.

“What do you mean?”

He rolled his eyes.

“Last night, what did the two of you do?”

“Wonho” I sighed “Do you really think I somehow managed to seduce Jooheon right under your nose?”

“Yes” He nodded, without missing a beat. I was actually a little flattered that he thought my macking skills were that up to par, but truthfully I probably could have had Jooheon if I’d totally thrown caution to the wind and went for it. This thought made me tingle all over and the images that flashed in my head made me flush. Now was not the time.

“Nothing like that happened” I assured him, and it technically wasn’t a lie. He only insinuated that we slept together, which definitely did not happen.

“Like that?” he repeated back to me with narrowed eyes.

“Yeah, like that” I mocked him, but I smiled as I walked away. He wasn’t my father and I didn’t have to answer to him. At least, not yet. He looked deeply annoyed, but knew as well as I did that he couldn’t force anything out of me.

I wondered for a moment if Jooheon would tell him, and decided I was okay with that. Better him than me.

It was hard to be around Jooheon that day, what with the memories of our kisses still trailing through my mind every time I looked at him. He must’ve been thinking it too, I could sense it. And I could also sense that we both wanted to do it again.

So when he snatched me up in the hallway when the coast was clear, I was staggered for a moment, but welcoming of it.

He hovered over me until my back touched the wall, and he stared down at me with intent, licking his lips and waiting. I grinned and angled my head up to invite him in, and he crashed his mouth down on mine.

My arms drew around his neck and he pressed me back into the wall, bracing himself on it with one hand while the other held my hip, I was out of breath and eager for it. I heard voices in the living room, and my heart thumped in my chest with the threat of being caught, but of course I didn’t stop and neither did he.

He pulled away and buried his face in my neck, speaking at quietly as he could against my skin and hair.

“I can’t stop thinking about you” He breathed into me “not since last night. Not since you got here”

I felt a chill run down my spine at his words, his name exhaled from my mouth.

“What’s wrong with me?” he asked in a weak laugh.

“Whatever it is” I whispered back “I’ve got it, too.”

I questioned Wonho’s earlier comments about Jooheon being inexperienced. Maybe it was the sway of passion, but he seemed like he knew exactly what he wanted and how to get it. I was relieved we both were surprised at our own behavior, that this appeared to be unusual circumstances we couldn’t seem to control. We were both completely taken over by our emotional impulses, and truthfully it felt incredible.

He pulled back and let me go when we heard footsteps, and I made my way out toward the living room as if I’d been passing through on purpose. I walked by Shownu, who seemed totally oblivious to what had happened in the hall, and I let out a sigh of relief. I turned back for a moment to throw Jooheon a flirty smile and a wink before I made my way back to my room.

As fun as it was, I really didn’t know or understand where this was all going, but I was enjoying the moment. Though, a twinge of sadness washed over me when I realized I’d be leaving in a few days, and who knows when the next time I’d see any of them would be. It’s not like I lived that far, we resided in the same city, but with their hectic schedules and traveling, I would be putting myself in the position to get my heartbroken if I let this continue, and who knows how a relationship like that would affect Wonho.

What was I saying? Relationship? We made out twice and I was already thinking long term. I shook the thought from my mind. That was exactly the problem; I couldn’t let it get to that point.

Whatever I had started needed to end here.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get more intense.

Over my remaining days, we stole kisses whenever and wherever we could. Every single time I was near him, I meant to tell him we couldn’t keep doing this, and every single time I forgot all about it when I felt his lips on mine.

I loved the way he kissed me; it was like he could never get enough of it. His eyes would be heavy with desire and the way he looked at me sent chills down my spine, and we’d consume each other like we would die if we didn’t. It was the kind of passionate yet just slightly taboo romantic tryst I’d only ever day-dreamed about, and I was caught between never wanting it to end, but knowing it had to.

Despite the serious physical component of it, we never went past making out and the occasional groping. Whenever it felt like we were about to cross that line, one of us would stop, though we really didn’t want to. We knew it was never the right place or time for it to happen, and honestly I think we both kind of enjoyed the tease. We both knew we wanted the other in that way, but it was a quiet, fiery knowing, and the longer we waited, the hotter it burned.

But it certainly wasn’t just lust, or at least I believed that. We still talked every day, we still sat next to each other at meals and were genuinely interested in what the other person had to say. I still enjoyed his company like a budding best friend, and that’s how I knew this was dangerous territory. It would have been so much simpler if it was only a tangible kind of yearning; we could hit the sheets and be done with it. But part of the resistance was us knowing that if we allowed ourselves, we would fall hard and fast.

It took him a little longer to realize how short my time was here, and I could see it in his face that afternoon where he sat by me on the couch. It was like he wanted to say something, but he held back.

“I leave tomorrow night, you know” I said, trying to urge it out of him.

“I know”

I sighed, he was going to make this hard.

“I really hope I can come back for another visit, but I still try to see Wonho whenever I can”

He nodded.

“Would you like it if I came back?” I asked, trying to get something out of him. I had to know his intentions, what he wanted and what the hell all of this had been building up to.

“Of course” He said, gentle-like.

“Jooheon” I sighed heavy again, closing my eyes for a moment. “What is this?”

“What’s what?” He asked, and I wasn’t sure if he was playing dumb or not.

“This” I motioned at the space between us. “What have we been doing these past few weeks?”

He tucked his chin down and seemed to consider it.

“I really like you”

I knew this already, but still hearing him say it made me feel all twitterpatted.

“So do I”

We were silent for a long moment.

“But it can’t be anything more than this” I said then, and I thought maybe he’d agree or just nod, but he looked up at me with this wounded, puppydog face that made me want to kiss him again. No, I had to be strong.

“Why not?” He asked, child-like and defiant.

I laughed a little, surely he knew why. Did I really have to explain it? He, most of all, should know why.

“What, you want to try dating? Like any other normal couple?”

“We’re not normal?

“You’re not normal. Your life is not normal.”

I could see, bit by bit, him losing his confidence and looking more and more downtrodden. It hurt, but it was the truth.

“Okay, so it’s not normal. So what? We can’t work around that?”

I hummed and looked unsure, though his sincerity and that look he was giving me made me want to reconsider it. Then he spoke again.

“I want to be with you”

What he was suggesting was crazy to me, and I really had to take a moment to think about it. If I really wanted to be with him, could I? Could I handle the distance, his busy schedule, not being able to go certain places together or do what other couples do? Was I willing to make all the sacrifices necessary to sustain a happy, healthy relationship with him?

When I looked up at him, took in the sight of him and thought about all his warmth and compassion, the way he made me laugh, the intense wanting I felt whenever he was near me, I realized I was willing to at least try.

“How about this” I started “We’ll give it a trial run”

He tilted his head “Trial?”

“Yeah, after I leave here, we’ll keep in touch and see if we can handle being apart, until the next time I can visit. If it goes well, I’ll be your girlfriend.”

A smile slowly broke out over his face, his eyes creasing and his dimples showing. “Does that mean we’re dating?”

I shrugged and tried to hide my own smile “I guess you could say that”

He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. “Deal”

We decided to continue keeping it a secret, no use getting everyone involved when we were still in the “maybe” stage of things, though I could tell he felt confident about it. I, on the other hand, was apprehensive. I wanted to believe we were capable of handling it, especially with how strongly we’d come to feel about each other in such a short amount of time, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up. It was going to be tough.

Keeping this from Wonho was going to be one of the more difficult aspects of it. I was dying to tell him how I felt about Jooheon, but it was still so delicate. I did feel bad, I’d never kept anything from him before, but I knew it was for the best. I could just think of it as payback for that time he didn’t tell me he was trying out for a company until he’d already gotten in.

Jooheon and I went to lunch that afternoon, a sandwich shop down the street. We tried to forget about my leaving tomorrow and focus on spending time together. I’d already planned on going to dinner with Wonho before I left.

When we got home, the dorm was quiet. Jooheon checked around and realized everyone else was gone, and shot me a sly smile.

“Movie?” he asked, and I agreed, though I wondered how far into it we’d get.

20 minutes; a lot longer than I thought. 20 whole minutes before I was in his lap, hand threaded through the hair on the back of his head, kissing along his neck while he moved his hands up and down my waist.

I felt something hard press against my thigh and let out a tiny gasp, and Jooheon buried his face in my neck, embarrassed.

“Sorry” he mumbled against my skin.

I giggled, a sound I didn’t make very often. “I don’t mind”

And just to prove it, I moved to straddle his thighs facing him, pushing him back against the couch. It was worth it just to see the look on his face, probably the most bold thing I’d done in the time we’d spent together, and I smiled realizing he had no idea what I was capable of.

We kissed, hungry, and his arms stayed slack at his sides. I understood now that this is probably what Wonho meant during our first discussion of Jooheon. He was hesitant to touch me, almost shy, and I grabbed his hands and placed them on my hips. To further show what I meant, I rolled my hips forward into him, and he swallowed back a surprised moan. Maybe I was a bigger perve than I thought, because I was immensely turned on by his innocence and sensitivity, and how every graze or kiss caused a sound or a tremble from him.

It wasn’t long until we found a rhythm, our kisses sloppy, trailing wet down our jaws and necks and back up again to let our tongues intermingle. I may have left a mark or two on him, silently claiming him. All the while, I pressed my hips back and forth at an agonizing pace, feeling him harden through layers of clothing and feeling the vibration of a restrained moan with every sway of my hips. His grip on me tightened until he was pulling me hard against him and raising himself slightly to meet me, eager for more friction. Even fully-clothed, this was possibly the most aroused I’d ever been with anyone, and I had no idea how he did that to me every time.

I was thankful we’d locked the door, because it became the perfect alarm that someone was coming home. Still, the sound of the jiggling doorknob and keys felt like a lightning bolt of fear had shot through me and I sat up so fast that I fell backward off the couch and onto the floor with a thump. Not my most graceful moment.

Jooheon wanted to ask me if I was okay, but the door opened and he quickly sat back and pulled the bottom of his shirt down over his lap.

Wonho paused when he came through the door, and furrowed his brow at us

“What are you doing?” he asked me, and I relaxed back into the floor, pulling my feet up.

“Uh, stretching?” I offered, but I didn’t sound very convincing

He looked at Jooheon, who pulled his knees together and looked around the room . If we were going to keep doing this, we really had to be better liars. This was pathetic.

Wonho looked as if he’d decided not to question it further and shut the door behind him, throwing us one more strange look before going into his room.

As if on cue, Jooheon and I both began to laugh, and we didn’t stop for minutes on end. The longer we thought about it, the harder it made us laugh.

“Are you okay?” he asked through his laughter, and I pulled myself back onto the couch.

“I’m fine. I landed on my back, thankfully.” I said as I rubbed it, though it didn’t hurt too bad.

We laughed a little bit longer, and I wiped tears from my eyes.

“Maybe we should hold off on….you know.” I offered, casting him a sideways look. There’s no way we’d find a suitable time and place by tomorrow night, and it was something I didn’t want to rush into, anyhow.

He pouted noticeably at me, but nodded. “If that’s what you want”

I leaned into him, placing a kiss on his jaw line and whispering into his ear “can you hold off that long?”

He laughed at me “trust me, I’m used to not getting any”

The next night at my early dinner with Wonho, I noted the way he kept looking at me, like he was expecting me to say something. I tried to ignore it, make small-talk, tell him how much I enjoyed my time with him, but eventually it started to bother me. I put my glass down on the table hard.

“What?” I asked, in a tone he knew too well.

“When were you going to tell me you’re banging my best friend?” He asked as he took a bite of his food, as he chewed, he smiled at me.

“Banging?” I emphasized.

“I saw the marks” He grinned even wider “you really need to teach him how to cover up a hickey if you’re going to be that possessive”

I closed my eyes for a moment and let out a held breath.

“Unless he’s giving them to himself with the vacuum, but the way you guys look at each other makes me think that’s not it”

Well, at least he wasn’t angry. In fact, he was clearly enjoying teasing me about it.

“We’re not banging” was all I thought to say, and he raised his eyebrows at me.

“Really? Thought I knew you better than that, if he was anyone else you would have already-“

“Watch it” I cut him off. Maybe I’d been a little…..fast, in my youth.

“That must mean you really like him” he said then, his voice changing, losing all its light-heartedness.

“I do” I confessed, looking down at the table.

There was silence. It was awkward.

“Hoseok” I said to get his attention, and he looked right at me at the sound of his name. I already knew what he was thinking.

“I wouldn’t be doing this If I didn’t think it could actually be something” I said “Something good. Something…” I struggled to finish.

“Long term?” he offered

“Yes”

He nodded. “Okay, then I trust you”

I don’t know why, but I was taken aback by his unwavering support. I guess I had thought he’d put up more of a fight about it, but after all this time, he still put his full trust in me, reaffirming why we were such good friends to begin with.

“Thank you” I smiled at him, and he waved it off.

We dropped the subject after that, back to our usual joking and talking. Before we left the restaurant, I threw my arms over his shoulders and hugged him. He smiled and squeezed me, lifting me off the ground to bear-hug me.

When we got back to the dorm, I finished packing up my things, feeling like I was leaving with twice as much as I came with. There were gifts I’d been given by the guys, like the stuffed animal Kihyun won me from the claw machine, or packets of instant coffee Hyungwon insisted I take with me because he had too many. I really was grateful that I’d come, beyond just spending time with Wonho and meeting Jooheon. I had made quite a few new friends in the process.

I hugged them all individually, told them we’d keep in touch. I’d acquired all their contacts and media and planned on staying up to date with everyone. I had to do the same with Jooheon in front of the others, and we tried to make it look as neutral as possible, though he did hug me a second longer.

“Jooheon, why don’t you help me take her bags down?” Wonho asked, winking at me. I smiled. He really was a good friend.

Downstairs, Jooheon held me and kissed me over and over, and I caught Wonho rolling his eyes at us, but he was grinning as he put all the bags into the taxi.

“We’re gonna make this work” Jooheon said low against my ear before he finally let me go.

“I know”


End file.
